here I am again

Sat, Aug 25, 2012 at 8:38 AM By: GranJ0

I have had a couple msgs from ppl asking about my son who passed. I don't mind talking about him. Jae was born September 23, 1978, he had Down Syndrome. Throughout his lifetime he was a vibrant and vital part of our family of 7. Jae being the eldest followed by a brother, sister and rounding out the 5 a set of boy/girl twins. We were busy his siblings made sure that anything they did Jae did too. Fast forward to Christmas of 2003, I had taken a nasty fall in October that left me unable to work, my hubby had just taken his early retirement Jae caught a cold and cough. Everyone where Jae went to Day Program had the same cold and cough that hung on forever we didn't think too much of it. New Year's Eve Jae and I were home alone and I asked him if he wanted to go down to our favorite bar to welcome in the New Year. We did he was so positive sitting at the bar. Employees who knew him made sure he had plenty of party favors and then it was time for the countdown. I can still hear him counting it down. I look back on the moment often. The cold/cough was still there and in the middle of January he wanted to go to the doctor. It was Acute Myeloid Leukemia, that evening we checked in at Rochester Mayo clinic. The doctor said probably a 2 week hospital stay, Jae said 2 weeks. And it was 2 weeks from diagnosis til he passed. That's pretty much the story. All his life Jae wanted to be a rock star. I believe now he is. In the evening he would sit in our master bedroom with his headset on singing. Seeing that brought peace to me that all was right in our world. He had a favorite song Forever by the Beach Boys. It speaks of talking and singing Forever. In the end they sing "so I m going away, but not FOREVER". That was the song played for the Mom/Son dance at youngest son's wedding. We just stood on the dance floor hugging each other and crying, Jae is so missed at those important moments in life. Now he rests on a hill overlooking the Minnesota River Valley no doubt keeping tabs on all of his family. A couple years later near the anniversary of his passing I jotted down a few thoughts. Hope it is okay to share with you I called it,

Pieces of You

I peer through the window and watch
below me as people walk quickly through the falling snow.
The hum of the machines keeping you alive breaks the silence
I know you are leaving I sing to you and wait.
The 7 of us family together one last time, tears the expression of our love
Then in the quiet of the early morning you pass
I touch you and say good bye.
The machines now silent, I turn to the window and
look across the roof tops seeing only the falling snow.
We must go home, driving away I see the hearse coming for you.
I hold your dad's hand until the falling snow is between us
and I imagine you dancing with the angels.
You are more than a memory people bring me pieces of you
I hold them close. Through the window the snow has stopped falling
you live in my heart and we dance .


Looks to be a rainy day in the River Valley I am going to settle in and indulge myself in one of my passions crocheting. This time a pair of booties for a soon to be here Great Niece. Can't wait to meet her! I have learned that talents are meant to be shared and I am so very grateful that Max, Jon and Tony share theirs with all of us.

Have a wonderful day everyone.

Remember follow me on twitter @GranJ0

  1. SelfisHeatheR avatar

    On Thu, Oct 11, 2012 at 6:48 PM, SelfisHeatheR said:

    forever is one of my favorite tunes! xoxo beautiful poem too!

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